KT Tunstall - Throw Me A Rope:

I want you between me and the feeling I get
When I miss you
But everything here is telling me I should be fine
So why is it so above as below
That I’m missing you every time

I got used to you whispering things to me
Into the evening
We follow the sun and his colors left this world
It seems to me that I’m definitely
Hearing the best that I’ve heard

So throw me a rope
To hold me in place
Show me a clock
For counting my days down
Cause everything’s easier when your beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

And whenever you go
It’s like holding my breath under water
I have to admit
That I kinda like it when I do
Oh but I got to be unconditionally
Unafraid of my days without you

So throw me a rope
To hold me in place
Show me a clock
For counting my days down
Cause everything’s easier when your beside me
Come back and find me

Whenever I’m falling
You’re always behind me
Come back and find me
Everything’s easier when you’re beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone

I see you. :P

Okay so I’ve managed to cut my fiber and yarn stash to about 10% of what it was. Do you know how scary this is to say? What am I doing with the rest of it? Giving it away! I contacted the treasurer of the knitting guild here in B/CS and she’s going to (gladly!) take it all off my hands and disperse it among people and the yarn and whatnot will be used for charity things, so this makes me feel a lot better.

Why made this happen? I’m moving! It all started with a tree…and some serious lack of communication, a naked me in the shower and a WHOLE lot of F-bombs later about the whole situation and I am OUT of here. Who knew that’d be what it took to get my ass in gear about this? It unfortunately puts other plans on hold for a good year(the lease I’ll be signing tomorrow or Tuesday) BUT after doing some research for local jobs I am pretty confident that I’ll be able to pick up an at home position in addition(I typed that as addiction three times before getting it right. This makes me giggle for reasons I only know) to working up at the university. I am diggin’ it yo.

So yeah, lefthandpinkie.net? Not sure what I’m doing with this here. Taking the shop down for sure, but keeping the domain. The reasons I picked lefthandpinkie still strongly apply here and it is a good reminder for me to have. Plus you know I might take up posting other things here like n00ds to freak any relatives out that come upon this blog. I kid, I kid…I save the tit and ass shots for private consumption. o.0

Anyway, off to pack more stuff up. I’ll have to take a picture of the mountain of bags of fiber and yarn. It made my throw up a little in my mouth when I realized how MUCH was there. I was all “No wai!” when I counted the bags and my inner fiber freak was all “Yes wai!” so…yay? I don’t know. I wish I’d of had the cash to send it to people I KNOW but I don’t…plus it could EASILY fill up one of those u-haul things you hook up to your truck. Easily. *dies*

I’m in a funky mood, a good funky mood. This must be what happens when little Sheilah who hates change is suddenly presented with a plate full of it and in general expected to “Shove it all down bitch!” because yeah. *gulp*

Ohhhh yeah, and the night before the Going To Hell Move of 2007? This picture was taken:

Those eyes now look blood-shot and tired and my hair is all YUCK and tied on my head and I’m sweatin’ balls yo. I almost look expectant.

It’s about goddamn time I read something intelligent. I’m glad it was this.

So that’s that.

Now to take some extra strength prescription pain killers that I found in my craft room, some cranberry juice and then march myself right into the living room to be an emotional PMSing fucked up mess of a 22 going on 23 year old and be DAMN okay with it.

I kinda get tired of people that tell me what I’m doing isn’t enough. Oh? It’s not enough for YOU? Well aint that a goddamn shame. *shrug*

Good changes happening soon. Life is too short to waste my time trying to make everyone else happy. I miss Darwin, and I know he’d tell me to tell everyone to go straight to hell for trying to bring me down. So if that’s what you’re here for, well…you know what to do.

I don’t think I’m going out to Texas renn fest this year. It’s been hard to go knowing I won’t see Darwin there. Last year I drank and took valiums in secret trying to be calm and okay out there. I miss you so much Darwin…everything about this time of year brings you back just out of touch and it’s all such a fresh sharp pain again. At the same time though going keeps his memory close. I pass by the spots where we sat talking and laughing well into the night and try to picture it all again but the more time passes the longer it takes to bring the scene back into clear focus and I have to struggle to pull the details into it.

I’m waiting up for you to rescue me,
To come around and cover everything,
Relying on my best memories
To breathe for me, breathe for me

So much better than all of this, all of this

I’m tired of singing all the sad songs in my head
But I can’t find enough of anything to drown out what you said
And sometimes I find I catch my self letting you back in
And I’m so tired of singing all these sad songs in my head

‘Cause I can still smell summer on your skin,
And I can still remember giving in
Wrapped all up in your hips, and in your sheets
Felt great falling, great falling

So much better than all of this, all of this

I’m tired of singing all the sad songs in my head,
But I can’t find enough of anything to drown out what you said
And sometimes I find I catch myself letting you back in
And I’m so tired of singing all sad songs in my head

I feel so faded, so far gone
That nothing surprises me anymore

I feel so faded, so far gone
Nothing surprises me anymore

Not much better now, now

I’m tired of singing all the sad songs in my head
But I can’t find enough of anything to drown out what you said
And sometimes I find I catch myself letting you back in
And I’m so tired of singing all the sad songs in my head

The sad songs in my head

I’m so tired.

imagine it to the tune of that Willa Wonka song by the little green faced dudes….and yes, this may be my lack of sleep talking, and no, I do not know WHY I am posting it in my PUBLIC blog where everyone can come and taunt me. It might be the energy drink I consumed in about 3 minutes flat that made the last hour and a half go by in about 20 minutes. Seriously, wrinkle in time and all that crazy nonsense ALL THE WAY. I’m the ant walking across the folds of the skirt, but I’m an angry litle ant that BITES YOU! Oh also, it might be my constant amusement that there is a dude on WoW who LIKES me. Like LIKE LIKES me. *shrug* It’s my charming troll looks, blue skin, tusks, 80’s magenta rock band hair, the fact that everytime a BIG MUTHA EFFIN monster comes on the screen I do a “EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEE!” in the chat window and proceed to freak out. I don’t know why I find this so amusing, I just do. When doooods find out that you are a chick on games like this all the hormones kick in and they end up falling over themselves to impress you in the game like it might somehow possibly transfer OUT of the game and end up in a make-out session. But it doesn’t, and it won’t…because um, I am Sheilah and this is how I roll?

Okay so yes….song of greatness:

Ooompa loompa dooopa de dooo

I have got a lame song for you!

What do you get when two kittens make out?

One jealous pug who goes out with a pout!

….

That’s as far as I got before I died on the floor laughing. *shrug* I mean seriously, on the floor rolling about in the brown packaging paper I gave the cats to play with, dying. with. laughter. I am soooo good.

Now back to your regular scheduled emo often whiney and bitchy but sometimes crafty posts. (I should be happy more though really, it is a nice feeling. I seriously just decided that I DO NOT let others create my happiness, nor do I let them take it away. If they try, they as in a collective ‘evil society of doom’, but yes…if THEY try again there will be great toe smashing. Do not eff with my ability to create joy out of songs made up at 5:45ish in the morning.

Ahem.

Yesterday I played WoW for over 18 hours. *GRIN*

That was just about the most relaxed and fun filled day I have had in a VERY long time. I thought NOTHING of anything else, no people troubles, no money troubles, no what am I going to eat because the bread went bad and I am too lazy to wash the dishes because I hate washing dishes and there are no more forks troubles, no animal troubles, it was just…bam, sit ass in chair, bam, curl up in blanket, bam turn on Winamp and bam WoW! WoW! WoW!

The other night I asked made James help be carry a wood chest of drawers about 100 yards down the street into the garage for further inspection in the morning. I do not know WHY it was being thrown away as I have made perfectly good use of it in my craft room. And actually, we didn’t carry it all at once. First we carried the drawers all down here then went back and shuffled the chest of drawers. I was no help whatsoever. I can carry something about 5 feet and I’m like “Okay! Break! OW look my fingers are pink! I don’t like this at all!: followed by more whining and then a ‘Okay geez I’m ready.” and sometimes I’ll feel silly/stupid and make it like 10 feet. At the end when we were about 2 houses away I got all crazy stubborn and didn’t stop at all. My shoulders hurt for the next 3 days. Of course this is nothing compared to the fact that James at one point got frustrated with me and my whining and picked the WHOLE thing up on his own and went a good ways like those dudes do in the mega-man shows where they carry random shit like fridges and baby elephants.  Later I got called a hussy for it. *sideways look* I may or may not have asked for assistance in scooping ice cream however. But seriously guys, it’s a chest of drawers. It’s functional. It HOLDS MY SHIT!!!  I will post a picture. I made the top of it into a ’shrine’ area of sorts of all the things that hold strong emotional memories for one reason or another.

So yeah, then a few nights later I moved my computer out of my craft room and into James’ lego room where it currently sits so that we can better play WoW together because that’s really all we seem to know how to do together, or talk about it, or have game nights and thus there are tons of other people over to fill the silence.

Aaaaaand after moving my computer desk and printer and all that out of there I was like ‘Hey! I can move that big chest in here!” and thus asked made james help me with that.

I will post pictures of it all soon along with some AWESOME swap packages I got(I got my yarn for the Hand Dyed Yarn Swap! THANK YOU! I don’t have an e-mail for you for some reason though? so I hope you read this!) and some books and some fiber and yum yum yum. Right now I’m going to go get in the shower because after all, I spent 18 hours yesterday playing World of Warcraft and what do you think I’ve done today so far? Since…4:30 this morning when I got on to help a friend get one of 24 trinkets he needs in an all out FightFest(though that is not the phrase he used, use your imagination. It’s much more fitting trust me!) and I need to shower to wake me up out of my little computer gaming high.

How’s that for a non picture post? *grin*

I can be in a good mood and be fine, and everything is fine and everything is good and everything is where it should be and then the air around me comes crashing down and every pair of eyes I catch feel like a threat to crumble me into a thousand pieces and so I walk and stare at the floor and everything is loud and everything feels too crowded, too close, too near to touching my skin and making me shatter and there is just no way I can get back to being okay fast enough, just no damn way. My cheeks grow hot, my heart races, my stomach churns and I feel my whole body sway as if I might fall deeper than the ground and I find myself whispering “Don’t cry little girl. Don’t cry little girl. Take a step. Take a step. Take a step. Good. Don’t cry, please don’t cry. Take a step. Breathe. Don’t cry don’t cry please please please don’t cry.” and there just aint much you can do when you hear a song about everything turning grey.

[Note - I started this post way back, so I’m not actually going to work tonight…but yeah…been in a funk so I’ve just been working on it a tiny bit at a time before going back to my corner.]

Pictures! I have been SO LAZY about posting pictures but I’ve got a few moments now so here you go.

This is my swap for the Spring into Summer Dishcloth Swap. (Though they’ve updated so the link will now take you to the Dog Days of Summer swap which I TOTALLY blanked on signing up for! Doh!) My swap pal was Seth who is friends with Annie who I was spoiling for the swap. Funny how that works out huh? Let me just GUSH for a moment over the body wash in the back. It is PLUMERIA from Bath & Body Works, it is the only ’scent’ I’ve really enjoyed since giving up Cool Water because the smell was just too overbearing and they have discontinued this flavor for who knows what reason so my supply is very very limited. James scored a TON of it awhile back, bought out everything they had in the shop, and has been giving it to me as my present for whatever ‘give-present’ occasion is up at the time and I’m still using it like it’s going to run out…because one day, it will. Then I’ll be funked. Seriously. I use a tiny tiny bit in the shower and I mix the body spray with 1 part yummy and 2 parts water because it still smells good that way. So yeah, I saw that and I was like “OMG! WTF! YAY!”.

The blue and white dishcloth is the one he made me, the multicolored red/purple mix in the back is a giant square I made with the cotton yarn he sent. I had plans to use it in a small treasure chest of ‘emotionally attached things’ but I think I’ll undo it and crochet it to a different size for another chest as previous chest is being emptied out for crochet hook storage instead…though really, it’d still look pretty in there but I’d want to make it shorter and wider.

If you’ve got good eyes, and even if you don’t, you can see that’s just the wrappers and there is no longer any chocolate in there. Don’t know how that went away so fast…haha. There’s also a book FULL of dishcloth patterns I’m trying out one at a time. GREAT package!

This is the package from my Spring Felted Bag Exchange partner, Cori. She’s got a LOT going on right now so I’ve got an Angel filling in for the actual felted bag part of it but this is the package Cori sent me. Under it all, you can barely see, is a shirt with some cats on it, the back has all their tails held high in the air. There’s a ton of tea, coconut thai and green. Yummy! I’ll be taking this to work with me to sip on! There’s also some candies, a white chocolate cocoa mix, some yummy jasmine soap, a little sheep, some yarn(don’t know what fiber content or anything though) and a green sparkly cat with a bell around it’s neck. The sheep and the cat have been of great interest to the cats around here so they will have to go up high somewhere.

This is my angel package from Jaime @ Interweave Press for the No Sheep For You swap. My original pal abandoned me, and then my angel abandoned me and I FINALLY got an upstream pal but for all the nonsense, confusion and trouble Jaime sent me an angel package. It’s pretty darn awesome! I’ve been meaning to buy the Knitter’s Companion in hopes of learning how to knit….because yes, I still do not know how! :( All is well though because the LYS teaches knitting classes and I’m totally going to sign up for one, probably for this coming week as I hate not knowing how to knit, esp. when I have all these great knitting patterns I’ve been hoarding because eventually I WILL make them. There’s a Knit magazine, Knitted Babes(cute dolls but the eyes are freaking me out…I can’t figure out why though), Spinning Designer Yarns(which I own, so if anyone would like to trade me this copy for some yarn/fiber/neat beads I’m open) and to the back left is a make-your-own-angel kit inside that bag. In the middle there is some yummy yarn and all throughout the package were jolly ranchers, which I have been sucking on, not biting, for fear of cracking my new crown! Such an awesome package. The card went straight into my ‘make into magnets’ stack…I’m pretty sure I’ll have to have a metal house one day as that stack is getting pretty big.

This here is my REAL No Sheep For You Swap package from my angel that stayed an angel! Yay for that!!! That is a HUGE skein of cotton yarn waiting for me to dye! Holy moly guacamole is it the SOFTEST cotton I have ever touched. I kept squishing it up to my face while looking at the rest of the package which is why it looks so….squished up. I can’t decide if I want to dye it all one big lot or split it up and go color crazy…we’ll see. It’s some cotton yarn which I have been back and forth about buying to dye and let’s just say I am TOTALLY there. The two autumn themed balls are Cascade Fixation and the fun stuff at the bottom is stitch markers and row counters from Zero @ Etsy. Freshwater pearls yall, love them! Thank you SO MUCH! I am loving loving loving this package!

Last but not least we’ve got my Secret Pal 10 package. MORE STITCH MARKERS! Yay! I need a good holder for all these lovelies now. The stitch markers match the knitting needles, pretty cute huh? I love the color of that wood too! There’s some Knit Picks Elegance, a 70/30 alpaca/silk blend and it’s very dreamy. I’m thinking it will go well with this deep midnight blue yarn I have for something next to skin soft and cozy. And once again, a REALLY pretty card.

Doesn’t it look like light is really shining from some unknown source onto the card? You can’t tell here but it sparkles and shimmers too! This girl has got it DOWN with awesome cards. I’ve got her first one up on the wall and this one is going to be going next to it very soon.

So now that I’ve got all the swap pictures up, here are some more pet photos as well. The one of Wheezie isn’t recent, we haven’t been going outside much lately to play with a backyard full of fleas and wet weather. They have been SO HORRIBLE and we’ve only just now gotten them under control so she’s been hanging out inside with James and I. Right now she is CRASHED under my feet after staying up all last night during a game night.

It was James’ birthday and that is what he wanted to do so we did, had a handful of people over and played A TON of Hex-Hex in which due to a rule made up I was kept silent for a very long time, at least 2 hours. I got him a Domo-kun shirt and when he opened it he had the biggest grin on his face which was pretty awesome. I knew I had to give it to him before game night because just as I thought he exclaimed ‘I AM WEARING THIS TONIGHT!’ and wanted to put it on right then and there. Just like a little kid I swear. So I’m pretty happy about that, as is he of course. The other part of his gift was going to be going to the local comic book store and buying small expansions to Runebound but they don’t have them in stock yet so that will have to wait. Anyway….pictures.

Little Einstein snoozing away. This is about the only time she is STILL I swear because otherwise it’s constant movement. She is a trash-talker for sure. Anytime she has a toy she will stand guard over it even if NO ONE is around and hiss and spit into the air and do deep growls. I’ll get up and be like “Einstein? WTF?” and walk over to her and she’s all purrs again. It’s quite weird but cute because she’s still so pint sized so it’s like a little guy talking big in a bar. He might mean what he says but damn if you don’t just want to pat him on the head and say “It’s okay little one! Get in my pocket!”

Bella…she’s sweet and meek and adorable. Still so very skittish, I’m beginning to think it’s just part of her personality. She’s an excellent climber though and James and I have seen her many times swinging by one arm from the cat tree and ‘strafing‘ on the back of the couch. I first heard that word playing Diablo and never realized it didn’t ACTUALLY mean to side-step but regardless that’s what she is doing, while hanging parallel to the back of the couch. Mad skillz yo.

This is Wheezie about a year and a half ago during winter. She would get so chilled going outside to do her thing that when she came in James and I would have to pick her up and warm her up again so we got her a hoodie. She really likes it despite this demonic look here, just not with the hook pulled so far up covering her ears. This was taken shortly after we put it on her. She was so excited and started doing her low-butt run all over the floor, in circles, up onto the couch and back around again. See?

Okay so she still looks ’sad’ but that’s just the face of a pug. Trust me she’s not, and she gets away with EVERYTHING due to it. I keep her little hooded sweatshirt in my sock drawer and when she sees it she gets super excited as if I’m going to put it on her in one of the hottest months of the year. The best part about it though is how it doesn’t cover her rear so when she’s wearing it and excited, everything in the sweater is standing still but the whole back half is wagging uncontrollably. Anyone else that has seen a pug happy knows what I’m talking about, crazy little monsters.

Side note here…if anyone knows how to get rid of the weird colors in eyes, it’s not red-eye but basically the same thing I guess, I’m all ears. Anytime I use the flash(which is pretty much required in this dark house) the pets end up with those colored orbs on their eyes, looks kinda freaky.

Anyway, I’m about to hop in the shower, gotta work tonight. I shouldn’t bitch and whine, it’s just three hours…but it’s three hours of dialing peole trying to get them to participate in these random studies over the phone…so basically, three hours of Ring-Ring-Ring-Click and then REPEAT! Tomorrow I’m doing a full day’s shift from 10 in the morning to 6:30 at night. My brain will be so numb by the time I’m out I’ll have to stick my fingers in an electric socket to get it to wake up again. It’s easy work though, and I doodle most of the time on paper drawing morbid little cartoons and hearts and flowers and so on.

Oh and yeah, I tried pacing myself while reading Harry Potter but once I got to the last 3rd of the book I just kept going. So much for making it last huh? I got James to start reading them, he’s on the first one right now and loving it, and I’m going to start the whole series over again to catch things I may have missed the first time through…and you know…because I don’t want it to be over!